🧩 How Autism and ADHD Showed Up in My Life Before I Knew What It Was

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For most of my life, I thought I was just bad at life.

Too sensitive. Too forgetful. Too emotional. Too distracted.
Too much… or not enough.

It wasn’t until adulthood that I discovered the real reason why I struggled so much: I’m autistic and have ADHD.

Once I started learning what autism and ADHD actually looked like—especially in women—it was like someone turned on the lights in a room I didn’t even know I’d been living in.

This is what my life looked like before my late autism and ADHD diagnosis. Maybe you’ll see yourself here, too.

👧 Childhood Clues of Autism and ADHD in Girls (That Got Missed)

I had sensory issues with clothes, food textures, and loud noises — but was called “dramatic.”

I had hyperfixations and could talk about them for hours — but was told I was “obsessed.”

I was extremely shy and barely spoke to extended family at holidays because of social anxiety. Teachers always wrote, “she’s extremely quiet.” on my report cards.

I melted down over small changes or social confusion — but it was brushed off as “immaturity.”

Because I made good grades and “followed the rules,” no one recognized the signs of autism or ADHD in me.

🧠 Teenage Red Flags of Undiagnosed Autism and ADHD

I felt everything way too deeply but didn’t know how to express it.

I masked constantly—mirroring others, adopting the identity of whoever I was with, and overthinking every single word I said.

I struggled with executive function but assumed I was just “lazy.” These days, I lean on tools that keep me on track. My ADHD-friendly planner has been a lifesaver for breaking tasks down into small, doable steps.

Emotional regulation was nonexistent. I’d cry over a missed assignment deadlines and feel ashamed for days.

I couldn’t keep a clean room or stick to routines, even though I wanted to.

But I still didn’t know. Because on the outside, I was “smart,” “creative,” and “normal.”

Masking autism and ADHD as a teenager hid the truth from everyone—including me.

đź’Ľ Adulthood: When Undiagnosed Autism and ADHD Collide

When the structure of school disappeared, life got harder—fast. Suddenly:

  • Bills were late
  • Laundry piled up
  • Conversations drained me
  • Social expectations became overwhelming

My mask started to crack under the pressure of motherhood, illness, and adult responsibilities.

I couldn’t organize my life, manage my emotions, or understand why I felt so broken—even though I was trying so hard.

Now, I’ve learned to give my brain and body extra support. I keep a pair of Loop earplugs in my bag for noisy places—they take the edge off without making me feel cut off from the world.

When insomnia or racing thoughts hit, a weighted blanket helps calm my nervous system. I’m obsessed with my Bearaby weighted blanket—it’s breathable and doesn’t trap heat like cheaper options I’ve tried. it can also be washed more easily because there are no beads.

And for those days when my brain feels like static, the Elevate Focus supplement has been helpful for gently improving clarity and energy.

đź“š What Finally Clicked (The Late Diagnosis)

When I began learning more about neurodivergence conditions for my son—and how autism and ADHD often show up differently in females—the pieces finally fell into place:

  • Masking explained why I was so good at “pretending” to be fine.
  • Burnout wasn’t laziness—it was nervous system overload.
  • Time blindness, forgetfulness, and disorganization were executive dysfunction—not character flaws.
  • People-pleasing, perfectionism, and shame spirals were trauma responses.

I wasn’t broken.
I was misunderstood.
And for the first time, I truly understood myself.

đź’­ The Grief and the Relief of a Late Autism/ADHD Diagnosis

Realizing I was autistic and had ADHD came with a flood of emotions:

  • Relief — finally understanding why I am the way I am
  • Grief — for all the years I blamed myself
  • Anger — at how long it took to get answers
  • Empowerment — because now I can give myself the grace I never had before

Getting a name for what I experienced wasn’t about putting myself in a box. It was about stepping out of the wrong one.

I wasn’t making excuses—I was finally learning how my brain works. And once I understood the why, I could stop fighting myself and start setting up systems for success.

Neurodivergent women experience the world differently—a world that wasn’t built for us.

You wouldn’t expect a fish to climb a tree. That’s not where it thrives. But watch it swim, and you’ll see its brilliance.

We’re not any less. We’re just different.

🧠 Important to Know:
Autism is not a mental health condition and it’s not brokenness. It’s simply a brain that interprets the world differently—often in a more intense and detail-oriented way.

Research shows that neurodivergent brains often have more synaptic connections (neurons “firing” more often and more rapidly) than neurotypical brains. This is part of why sensory experiences, emotions, and even the environment can feel so amplified.

Being autistic doesn’t mean you’re “less”—it means your brain processes the world in a unique and powerful way.

✨ Final Thoughts

If this story feels familiar, you’re not alone.

You’re not lazy. You’re not broken.
You’re not failing—you were simply never given the right tools.

Here are a few small things that have helped me better navigate daily life:

đź’¬ I’d love to hear your experience—whether you’re newly diagnosed or still figuring things out. Let’s normalize late autism and ADHD diagnosis in women and celebrate the clarity it brings.

Here’s to brighter days and more self-understanding,
Shandy💜 from Tacoboutwellness 🌮

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