Why That Statement Hurts More Than You Know
If you live with a chronic illness, you’ve probably heard it at least once:
“I don’t think you’re trying your best.”
Maybe it came from a loved one who meant well.
Maybe it came from someone who just doesn’t get it.
Either way, those six little words can cut deep.
Because when you’re fighting your body every single day just to function, the truth is — you are trying. You’re trying harder than most people could ever understand.
Trying Your Best Looks Different with Chronic Illness
Here’s the thing most people don’t see:
“Your best” doesn’t always look like productivity, clean houses, thriving careers, or jam-packed calendars.
Some days, your best might be:
- Getting out of bed and brushing your teeth
- Making it through work while silently battling pain or fatigue
- Saying “no” to plans because your body needs rest
- Taking your meds on time and staying hydrated
- Simply surviving the day without falling apart
And guess what?
That is enough.
When you’re dealing with unpredictable symptoms, “trying your best” isn’t some shiny, hustle-culture ideal.
It’s fluid. It’s personal.
And it doesn’t need to match anyone else’s version of “best.”
💔 Why That Phrase Hurts So Much
Hearing “You’re not trying your best” can feel like someone is calling you lazy, unmotivated, or weak — when the reality is, you’re already maxed out.
Many of us with chronic illness already carry guilt.
Guilt for not doing more.
For canceling plans.
For falling behind.
For dreams we’ve had to shelf just to survive.
We don’t need someone else piling on judgment.
We’re already grieving the life we wish we could live.
💛 Here’s What Would Help Instead
If you’ve ever felt the sting of those words, you know how isolating it can be.
But here’s the truth: You don’t owe anyone a performance to prove your effort.
What we really need is compassion and support.
Something like:
- “I know you’re doing the best you can.”
- “What can I do to lighten your load today?”
- “I’m proud of you for listening to your body.”
- “You don’t have to explain anything — I believe you.”
Those phrases validate instead of invalidate.
They show understanding instead of judgment.
To the One Living This Reality
If you’ve been told, “I don’t think you’re trying your best,” I want you to hear this loud and clear:
You are enough.
You are doing more than most people realize.
You don’t have to prove your effort to anyone.
Your body might be slower.
Your energy might be limited.
Your days might be unpredictable.
But none of that makes you less worthy, less capable, or less you.
So keep listening to your body.
Keep showing up — in whatever way you can.
And know this:
Your best will never look like someone else’s… and that’s perfectly okay.
💬 Let’s Talk About It
Have you ever been told you’re “not trying hard enough”?
How did you handle it?
Share your story in the comments — this space is a judgment-free zone where you can be seen, heard, and supported.
With hugs,
Shandy 💜
From TacoboutWellness 🌮